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*•. .•* Welcome to my profile *•. .•*
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CHICKENFOOT!

“Ah, yes, divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams 1997

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in an attractive, well-preserved body; rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly worn out, covered in scars and screaming, Woohoo! What a ride!

Hoping to meet a good hearted woman. I am a hard working, fun, respectful person. Love kids, pets and family and friends. I have been divorced for 7 years. I am the kind of guy who will serve you coffee in bed** (please read disclaimer below) If you want respect, no drama, fun times then look no further. If your looking for a man that wants to make you laugh, treat you well, show you lots of love and respect you have found it! Looking forward to hearing from you! I have been in all 7 continents.I enjoy the fact I can do a poker run during the day and be in a box at the symphony at night..Versatility!! Would like to find someone to hop on my bad motor scooter and ride! Lets have some fun! I like all kinds of live music and comedy. I have a great rule to live by...Forgive Quickly..Kiss Slowly..Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.. Now how can it ever go wrong!!!LOL Went to see the MASTER of comedy this fall!! If you like to laugh and enjoy what life gives us, then hop on! I do enjoy being older and dating since my main goal now is to help women find out about their infinite supply of orgasms! (Don Sutherland 2004)



** Coffee is served hot. Please use caution while drinking this beverage.

-----///\\\-----Please
----///--\\\----Put This
---|||---|||---On Your
---|||---|||---Profile If
---|||---|||---You Know
----\\\--///----Someone
-----\\///-----Who Died
------///\-----Or Has
-----///\\\----Cancer
----///--\\\---MOM is always in my heart!

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women . . . know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment . . .know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say, 'nothing' . . . know how to make them truly happy . . ." The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, f@@king beautiful!'"

Why do leprechauns laugh when they run.....the grass tickles their balls

Oh and to all you women who think your too good to reply to a compliment... 2 words.. First starts with an F and the second starts with a Y.. and I hope yer tits fall off!!

BTW---I am NOT ECCENTRIC..I am just more alive than most people!!

WILLING TO RELOCATE.... FYI Laying in bed screaming Oh God does not constitute going to church!!

First date---Whatever makes you the most comfortable. Open to anything! Midget wrestling is an option. If we do meet for drinks and you don't look anything like your pics, you have to buy me shots until you do look like your photos!!!

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there shorty?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) RIP a huge fart and point to the person next to you
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

Mail Settings (To message HD2003100th you MUST meet the following criteria.)
Live in United States or on a Carribean Island or Cabo San Lucas
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter, but be willing to have one at the drop of a hat
Must not be married, engaged or bi-sexual..( ok well maybe the last one is in play)
Must have some sort of black leather
Must have Victorias Secret Charge Card (very high credit limit)
Must enjoy life!! DAILY!!!!! No sad depressed soles%#*^
Must LOVE HARLEYS..and us funny folks that ride em!!!
Must not have messaged someone who has won a foreign lottery!
Must smoke, drink and talk like a sailor!!