Me:

Although I despise labels of any kind, I suppose I'm what most would define as the "artsy, intellectual type." I am currently obtaining a BA with a degree in psychology and a minor in sociology.

I don't really hang out with females, being that most of them are dumb, decorative objects. That being said, the majority of my friends are guys. In fact, I would like to take this opportunity to distance myself from the category that most women fit into. I really have nothing in common with these pathetic creatures apart from anatomy, but somehow, I always get classified as such and nothing pisses me off more. If we do meet, you will need to forget everything you've learned about women and note the following:

-I don't give a sh*t about Gucci, lulu lemon or anything of the sort.

-I can honestly I say don’t play head games.

-I don't fake ANYTHING.

-You will never find my tampons, hair products, clothes or anything more than a toothbrush in your apartment. I’ve never understood this behavior. Marking one’s territory, perhaps?

-I will never drag you to the mall and make you hold my purse while I try things on.

-I am no one’s “better half.” One person + one person= TWO PEOPLE!

-I don't give a flying **** if a dude leaves the toilet seat up. It seems like a stupid thing to whine about. Who's to say whether it belongs up or down? I don't care!

-I have a healthy self-esteem. You will never hear me ask if I look fat.

-I do not latch on the first decent guy that crosses my path to avoid the annoying looks of pity when I explain that I don’t have a bf.

-I am not bitter, jealous, insecure or clingy. I will not phone you a million times a day, for any reason. I have my own life, so should you.

- I believe that sexiness is a feeling that exudes from within, not a goal achieved by spending hours applying six layers of make-up and pasting on the skimpiest clothes possible.

-For the most part, I am a tomboy. High heels restrict movement, and therefore freedom.

-I will not assume that you want to **** every woman you converse with. I should hope that you will assume I don't want to **** every man I converse with.

I should also mention that I'm not a huge fan of monogamous relationships. Not to say I'd never be interested in one, but it will take a lot for me to get there.

You:
I do tend to date people very different from myself in an effort to grow as a person, but the following is a list of traits that I have discovered I just can't deal with. Please avoid wasting my time and yours and DO NOT message me if you match the following criteria:

You're materialistic.
(If you define success by the ability to make money and buy things, we are not going to get along.)

You define yourself as a "car guy."
(One word: MEANINGLESS!)

You're a daddy.
(To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I want my own kids, let alone yours.)

You're OBSESSED with sports.
(The idea that people actually sit around for hours, watching men chase a ball is bewildering to me.)

You're religious.
(I am an atheist, and I just can't deal with you people.)

You consider yourself "normal" or "average."
(Translation: boring!)

You're incapable of having a serious conversation.
(Having a sense of humor is one thing, but "finding humor" in every damn thing is beyond annoying!)

You think you're a player.
(If you treat dating like a game in which you try and score the most points, you are shallow and immature.)

You don't know the difference between your and you're, there, their and they're, or two, to and too.

You don't know to capitalize the first letter of every sentence, or to put a question mark at the end of a sentence implying a question.
(I could go on and on.)

You're a smart idiot.
(Now I know this is a tough one. The thing is, if someone admitted to being a smart idiot, it would mean you don't actually fit the profile. For example, if you're one of those people who has never taken a biology course, or read anything on the theory of evolution, but seem to think you know everything about it, you are a smart idiot. Yes, everyone is entitled to an opinion, but if you have nothing to back it up, it's worth JACK SHIT!)

You sound like an idiot out of ignorance or laziness. For example: "wuz up gurl wut u up 2? ur hot and wut im lookin 4" I would like to note that someone actually sent me this.
(I really don't appreciate those who sh*t on the English language and yes, I will correct you.)

You choose occupations based on how much money you'll make.
(I appreciate people who think "outside the box.")

You're a "manly man".
(I don't think there is any such thing. We are all androgynous.)

You spend more time in front of the mirror than most girls.
(I don't care how big your biceps are, I really don't. I'm more interested in your brain.)

The only time you've ever read a book is when you had to.

You spend most of your time watching TV.

You're a UFC enthusiast.
(Don't get me started.)

You use words without knowing what they mean.
(This is a big one for me. The two words most often used incorrectly are ignorant and ironic. Get a dictionary.)

You spend every weekend getting shitfaced with your boys.
(I think people should do whatever they want to do, but to be honest, there's something a bit sad about a dude who's been getting smashed and chasing tail every weekend for over a decade. Substance, anyone???)

You'll say whatever necessary to impress me.
(It's not that hard to figure out whether or not you actually play guitar, so don't bother bullshitting.)

You're a fake philosopher.
(This pisses me off to no end! Do not say something like "money doesn't buy happiness," and act like it took you years of meditation to come to such a conclusion. You people drive me nuts! Come up with something unique to say, and get back to me.)

To end it on a positive note, here are some of the things I DO like:

Good grammar.

Humility.

Guys who know that 'alot' isn't a word.

Guys who can cook.
(I can't, so one of us needs to possess this skill.)

Meaningful and intelligent conversation.

Guys who aren't afraid to be exactly who they are.

Long walks with no particular destination.

Rhetorical questions.
(I enjoy long winded discussions that go absolutely nowhere.)

Educated men. (It would be nice to meet someone on my level.)

Guys who have enough patience to read all this.

No, I'm not jaded or unhappy. This is not a response to being hurt and a way to keep people out. Why would I bother going on a dating site if this were the case? I KNOW WHAT I WANT!

Anything different.