Sorry to all those people who didn't get my humor during my first stint on this site...it doesn't translate very well in the 2nd dimensional realm of messaging. I can come across as crass, sometimes even rude if you can't see the poo-eating grin on my face while I type an extremely clever reply...I slay me!

I'm a little gun-shy on these sites considering the onslaught of less-than-desirable fellas on here that monopolize you ladies in-boxes...sorry you have to deal with that crap...I'm even more sorry if you don't!

I've recently rediscovered the pleasure/pain experience of working out, and since my ashtray keeps sliding off the treadmill, I think I seriously need to give that Chantix another tryout...it worked for my Dad, who was a hardcore smoker for 43 years...and now that I realize the month supply he gave me last year was placed in another empty prescription bottle that read "take rectally", then it may have better results...y'know I really don't wanna talk about this anymore, let's go to my "happy place" now!

I'm disgusted with how many people out there actually have no common sense and even less common courtesy. If you yell at or are rude to waitresses/waiters/drive-thru attendants then I, personally, will spit in your food, unless that sort of thing turns you on...then I won't!

My daughters are 17 and 2, so I'm at both ends of the parental spectrum, one keeps me young and the other keeps me grounded. They both keep me positive in a world that seems to migrate toward negativity. Now that you know how great my girls are...let the bidding begin!

I have a wingless butterfly collection...okay, maybe it's really just a bunch of ants pinned to my wall.

I like to have intellectual conversations with dumb people...that way I can make up words to sound real smart.

My family is everything to me, they've put up with my cartoon-ish behavior my whole life and still think the world of me...cuz the law says they HAVE to...

My serious side is reserved for things that should be taken seriously...and let's face it, there's really not that much on a day to day basis that actually needs to be serious.

I have old school values, but with an unorthodox outlook, things are usually simple, people are genuinely good, albeit somewhat selfish, and if something feels wrong...then switch to a smaller vegetable!

I still hold dear the traditional virtues of a relationship....ONE man, ONE woman, and ONE donkey...!

Okay, I used to make fun of those guys who attached pics of their cars/boats/motor-scooters (predominately Harleys since those junkie bikes are still en vogue for whatever reason) but since I just bought my monster hot rod, I'm itching to show it off...so I'm changing the rule to..."if you have more pics of your toys than you do yourself, then you've just defined yourself by your stuff...that is all, proceed with your daily loser-search on POF!!

I think my whole profile just turned into snippets of random thoughts and ideas...I'm all over the place with this profile! I don't blame ya for being a little scared!

I like to "people watch" at the Texas Center for the Blind...just to brag about it! If any blind people were offended by this...then...you're a liar!

*** To all you wonderful ladies who wrote to say "love your humor" and "thanks", I'd like to give you a big hug...and not JUST to sneak a peak at your butt! Every positive message erases 50 bad ones...so, thank YOU for giving me hope.

Make you watch my kids while I go to a topless bar! Actually this depends on the person.
I'm no-pressure on a first date and expect nothing. But if you turn out to be ugly then you owe me gas money, plus punitive damages.

Okay...quick question...has any of you ladies found yourself curiously moist when someone sends one of those POF roses? Y'know the ones that are right below this sentence...I personally think the "Creepy-Meter" should jump off the screen when you're put in an awkward position like that. What are you supposed to do? Give it up for some gay pic of a rose? It's not like there's a variety...it's the SAME rose!!