I love my family, friends and the world around me. I am always laughing about anything, everything or nothing at all. If you're not always laughing, you may die with a frown on your face and that's why they have closed caskets.

In the professional world, a man does not last long on what he has done in the past, he has to keep on delivering. I deliver every day.

I believe every man either plays or watches sports. If you have to put on a leotard to play a sport, it is a sport intended for women. If you consider ballet a sport, you are probably a woman.

I would rather watch football on Sunday than go to church. If I loved a girl enough I may go to church instead. If a girl loved me enough, she wouldn't make me. Church is a good place to wash away your sins. You can also just skinny dip in holy water.

Music is good for the soul. If you don't believe me, you may not have a soul. That is scary.

The best compliment I ever received was from a gay woman. She said that if she was as beautiful as me, she wouldn't have a problem finding a woman. I said, if you were as beautiful as me, you might want to shave.

I believe behind every successful man is a strong woman. It may be your mother, friend or significant other but if you don't have one of the fore-mentioned you better find one. If you cant find your mom, then check with one of your two dads.

A rich man isn't measured by how much money he has but how much he gives to others. If you give too much you may go poor. I prefer funny over money but not having any money is definitely not funny.

I love wine. Girls whine when they don't get attention. I believe girls deserve attention. Girls nag when men do not doing what they are suppose to. I never do what I am suppose to. Girls that nag all the time annoy me.

There are 86400 seconds in a day. I want to know who decided that. If there were only 86399 seconds in a day, we would all have a few extra hours to live. If I knew I had a few extra hours to live, I would totally celebrate.

People that live and die in one spot have not lived. The world is enormous and there is not enough time to see it all. If you have no desire to see as much as possible than you are probably boring. I will visit all six continents and at least thirty countries before I die. I have already been to five. If you didn't know that there are actually seven continents than you will never see them all. You should also pick up a book.

Michel de Nostredame predicted World War III. I think he is right. If you thought there were only six continents, you may one day be right too.

I do believe some wars are necessary. If you don't believe that as well then you may not be reading this in English.

I don't sweat the small stuff. If someone ate my fruit pastilles I would blow up their car.

Women are more rational than men.

If you believe in divorce, you shouldn't get married.

I will have children someday. They will be beautiful. Parents are not very objective. They all think they have the most beautiful children in the world. I have been to the park. I have seen some ugly children. Those children will not be mine.

I will give my family everything they could possibly desire. If a man cant provide for their family, then they are not really a man. I am a man.

Depends how much I like you...

I just moved from the United States to Oxford so I am open to new ideas...