...TAKE THE RIDE

I'm a published author, best-selling in my field, and co-own a TV/film production company. I write, I direct, I teach, I do a buncha' stuff. If you have a sense of adventure, and a sense of humor, I'm interested. For the record, I believe in art, ghosts, and Ninjas. I do not believe in W. (buh-bye!), magic diet pills, or cruelty.

My heroes are Bugs Bunny and Hunter Thompson (Can you say, "problem with authority?").

Funny thing about these sites – we all claim to be looking for the same thing, yet everyone complains that they are unable to find it. For me, I have learned that every relationship -- friendship, romance, whatever -- is its own unique creation wherein 2 people create their own rules, their own little dance -- no right or wrong, just what's right for them. So I head into this with a completely open mind, and a sense of humor. (The latter is pretty much the only prerequisite I have...okay, that and no more than 3 felony convictions...once or twice is a mistake, but three times, hey, you got issues.)

But if I may be so bold...here's a little advice to the ladies: No matter how hot or intriguing you may look in a photo, men do not like it if the picture includes another guy, especially if the guy has his armed draped around you, and you are cozied up with him, mid-snuggle. Really. Even if it's your FILL IN THE BLANK (brother, cousin, lifelong gay pal, your sister's mechanic, etc.) we don't get a good vibe from it. We begin to ask questions in our minds: "Is she dating him...Was she dating him?...Does she still have feelings for him?...He looks like a cross between a member of The Geek Squad and a Hells Angel...is that her type?" Trust me, better to post a solo shot...or one with all your single girlfriends, that we can handle.

And on the subject of first dates: I wonder about the profiles that read, "C'mon guys! You can do better than coffee! Let's skydive, or have dinner at the trendiest restaurant in town..." These individuals are not concerned with actually getting to know another human being, the obvious (at least to me) purpose of a first date...they simply want their entertainment ticket punched, which reduces the other person to a de facto meal ticket for the evening. What they reveal about themselves is, they are not interested in YOU, but rather in what you can DO for them, or more specifically, what you are willing to BUY them, which would further indicate that their affection and attention are commodities to be brokered. Of those, I can only say, "I'll pass." (I mean really, I'm no tightwad, but at least give me until the SECOND date to hire the private jet and book dinner on the Champs Elysees.)

One last thing – can someone please explain these testimonials to me? Here are all these fish giving these glowing descriptions of other fish in the PAST TENSE, which would seem to indicate that they got dumped or the relationship somehow didn't work out. And all these folks remained the best of friends? Wow...what an amazing lack of bitterness...I completely don't trust it.

OK. Your turn.

Oh, you know, something simple and fun...a trip to the sushi bar, a coffee...hacking into the Pentagon's mainframe...